A life lesson

My job has been one of that hardest jobs I have ever had as a nurse. I am a nurse for an Oral and Facial surgeon. My job is to put people (mainly children) under while he fixes their car wreck injury, takes out a cancer lesion, impacted wisdom teeth, etc. Just about anything that has to do with the face. There is a fine line to keeping someone under while they work on him/her. You don't want to put them to under where they don't wake up for you at the end and you don't want to give them to little where they wake up during surgery. The past couple of months have been a challenge for me. Because of the medicine I give drops the heart rate down so fast and with some people their blood pressure bottoms out. I have had a couple of real scares already. Even though I am surrounded by some awesome capable docs (one who fought in Iraq) who are there to help me anytime my patient gets into trouble it is still scary to me. To be honest every Sunday night before I work I am almost in tears because I know what is ahead of me the next day. I "might" have a code blue. My fear isn't from me not being capable of doing my job or being prepared if something bad happens. Those that know me know I am a pretty good nurse who handles emergencies. The fear comes from I just don't want something bad happen to my patient on my watch. I am a very tender hearted person. They joke with me at work because I am that nurse who tells you everything I am doing and hold your hand till you are asleep so you will feel more comfortable about the surgery you are about to have.

I started reading this book by Linda Dillow called Calm my Anxious Heart. I started this about a month ago when I started dreading going back to work on Monday mornings. God has really been opening my eyes and heart in this book. One quote that I keep going back to is "I asked God to give me the strength to live today, just today, to leave the fears and worries of tomorrow with Him." This week I have had an amazing peace come over me. Spending time in prayer, praising him with songs, and reading has done me a world of good. I am ashamed that I haven't been doing this more often. If God is first in my life I have nothing to worry about. I think I just went through one of God's life lessons to put my priorities back to where they needed to be, centered on HIM.

I wrote this in my blog today not really to share with others(but it is ok with me that I did) but for my kids to see one day. (I print these out for them to have when they are older) I want you to know 3L's that God is always with us in everything we do. If you are struggling with life then you need to look at your relationship with Him. He has the answers and is always there for you. Don't get to caught up in your struggle like I just did to forget about Him. The devil will take your problems and run with them! I love you guys~Mom